Definition Mental State
by bibliophyle
Summary: Follow Jasper as he assaults Edward and anyone who gets in his way with a plethero of unwanted emotions! Mild language and sexual references. Chapter 2 'ANGST' now here! Review peeps!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer- I own nothing associated or affiliated with Twilight. These are the property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright or offense is intended. You can't sue me for the inner-worst workings of my mind. Honest.

I am writing this at 1am and trying to keep the sound of my typing down so as not to wake my sleeping angel. Apologies if it's a little rough. You have my excuses :)

Definition- Mental State

Alice is singing in the bathroom. I sigh happily. Starting your day with the most beautiful creature in existence and realising once again that's exactly how you're going to start everyday for the rest of eternity is bound to put anyone in a good mood. But I've always been a little more susceptible to 'moods' than anyone else. Yes people, meet me- Jasper, the vampire empath with enough sensitivity to feel Edward's sexual frustration through the walls. That's walls people. You know walls, those big, solid, cold, unfeeling barriers that are erected to separate us and our siblings so that we can enjoy those much needed moments of privacy and dignity. Huh, not bloody likely.

The wall shakes now as said frustrated sibling presumably thumps it. "I can hear you, you know!"

Damn telepathic freak.

"I heard that too!" Wall shakes more violently.

"Boys!" Alice frowns at me and manages to glare at the wall simultaneously as she comes out of the bathroom, straightening her clothes for school. I sigh again as I look at her. She's a vision, an angel. My perfect, sweet, radiant goddess who I would die for a thousand times over and-

"Oh barf!" The wall is talking again.

Alice walks over to the wall and raps her knuckles against it, reprovingly. "Stay out of my husband's head, Edward."

"A bit hard with the romantic trash he's spouting!"

"Like you're one to talk!" I shout back. "I may not be able to read minds but I assure you that what you bombard me with on a regular basis is much worse!" It does occur to me that we're arguing through a wall but it's not the first time.

"Sure, like hearing your dirty little fantasies about how you'd like to throw Alice down on the lunch table and have your way with her in the middle of the cafeteria every day is a walk in the park!"

"Jasper!" Alice is looking at me, shocked.

"At least you don't have to put up with the teenage hormones practically rolling off a certain someone and his pet human every time they're together! I swear, it's like two dogs in heat!"

"Awww Edward..." Oh no, Alice has gone all sappy, not disgusted. Dammit. She's supposed to support me and my pain. There is an aura of smugness wafting through the wall...

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"Jasper, are you ok?" Emmett is frowning at me. I'm aware I'm grimacing but it can't be helped. Never mind that I have suddenly been surrounded by hundreds of blood bags on legs I have also been assaulted by every one of their overcharged and unrestrained emotions, all flying at me from every direction. I sigh and manage a weak grin, it's like this every day. Just have to get in the rhythm of sorting out which emotions from who and whatnot. Kinda like Edward sorts through the voices in his head, I guess.

"Something like that." He looks at me briefly before starting across the car park towards Bella's truck.

Alice squeezes my hand and we start off. Passing Edward and Bella I'm assaulted by a wave of lust, love and anxiousness. I separate the anxiety as Bella's. She has that a lot lately. If he'd just hurry up and change her she'd have nothing to worry about.

He glares at me as we walk past. Oops, thinking too loud again.

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Sitting in English it's hard to keep my eyes open. I can't sleep but it's hard not to be affected by the waves of boredom and apathy surrounding me as the teacher drones on and on. I glare enviously at the girl in front of me who has actually fallen asleep and is emitting faint snores at which Rosalie is curling up her perfectly painted lips in disgust. I send her a wave of anxiety and she bolts upright, looking around, panicking with her hair askew. A slight giggle and I turn to Rosalie who's grinning at me.

"That was mean, Jasper." Alice is frowning at me.

"I'm bored, my love." I try to placate her with endearments all the time. It works. "Besides, if I can't sleep then why should she?"

She rolls her eyes at me. She finds me frustrating sometimes. I can tell.

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Lunch finds Bella and Edward already seated at our table. Bella grins shyly up at us as we sit down and I'm struck by how openly cheerful she is all the time. I send it back to her threefold, happy to see her smile grow ever wider. Edward smirks at me. "Softie," he whispers just loud enough for me to hear.

"Teenager," I tease back.

"Pervert," He inclines his head towards Alice and I realise we're seated in the cafeteria. At the lunch table of my fantasies. Dammit, dammit. Don't think about Alice. Don't think about table. Don't think about kinky exhibitionist fantasies and oh my god I'm losing because she's just so hot and it's just so bad and...

"Stop!" Edward has his hands over his ears.

Alice looks at me for a second before smacking me up the back of the head. "Pervert."

"What?" I play innocent.

"There are children present!" She gestures around the cafeteria at the meals on legs.

"Oh please, like they don't think anything like that! They're teenagers!"

"Like what?" Emmett is curious now.

"Like nothing." Alice is glaring at me.

"Like having sex in public places." I could kill Edward. I close my eyes and let waves of calm and serenity wash over me. Calm. Breathe. Calm.

"Sex in public? You pervert!" Rosalie is peering down the table at me around Emmett who is guffawing over his untouched lunch tray.

Fuck calm. I'm killing him in the car park after school.

"Bring it on!" He's smirking at me.

"There will be no brawling in the parking lot after school!" Alice's word is law.

Edward scowls. I widen my eyes in what I hope is my best 'Innocent Jasper' expression. It doesn't work. She leans towards me and whispers so only I could hear, "You lost, honey." Now it's my turn to smirk. Sometimes it's good having a psychic wife.

There are other ways to get my own back, anyway.

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"Honey, what are you doing?"

I'm laying on our bed, concentrating idly at the task at hand when she walks into our bedroom and climbs up next to me, laying her head down on my shoulder.

"I'm tormenting Edward."

"I thought so. He's been pacing the house all night. Why isn't he at Bella's?"

"Might have something to do with the irresistible amount of lust I brought out in him as he was leaving school with her this afternoon."

"Jasper!"

"Relax, I've been keeping tabs on him. A little lust, a lot of frustration. Nothing major. You should be proud he knows well enough to stay away from her."

"What I am, is disappointed in you! Edward needs our support not you screwing with his emotions!"

"Please, I'm not doing anything he's not already feeling. I'm just bringing it all to the surface."

"And what is IT exactly?"

"A major bout of guilt. Little bit of panic. If I'm not wrong then I'd say he's feeling more than a wee bit guilty about not changing Bella and a little bit panicked that he might not do it in time."

"In time for what?"

"In time to save the walking catastrophe from falling over thin air and killing herself. I swear, that girl is a laugh a minute. It'll be interesting to see how much a difference changing makes to her agility. Or lack thereof."

"I don't think Edward has to worry too much about anything happening to her. 'Bella Accident Forecaster', remember?" She taps her head and grins at me.

"Then maybe it's time to bring back "Hormonal Teenager in Heat' Edward." I wink at her before jumping up and flying downstairs before she can catch me.

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Whatcha's think? Shall there be more Jasper meddlings with people's emotions?


	2. Angst

Disclaimer- I own nothing associated or affiliated with Twilight. These are the property of Stephenie Meyer and no copyright or offense is intended. You can't sue me for the inner-worst workings of my mind. Honest.

I do NOT endorse that book "He's Just Not That Into You." I just like to make a mockery of it. I work in a bookstore and the amount of gormless bimbos who come in wanting it makes me want to beat them over the head with it. Hard.

And I like Volvos! So nah!

Definition- Mental State. Chapter Two- Angst

Mike Newton is pathetic. Not because he and Edward have this stupid rivalry going on (honestly, am I the only one who sees how fickle it is for an immortal to be having pissing contests with a human over another human?) but because he just irks me. He's always walking around with this perpetual rain cloud over his head nowadays and he won't even try to put up a fucking umbrella. She's just not that into you dude, get over it. Stop moping. Shag something. Stop fucking making me want to set myself on fire every time you walk past me. There are Goths in this town who smile more than you!

I shake my head as you walk by, looking forlornly over your shoulder at Bella as she comes out of class behind you. She doesn't talk to you anymore, not since Edward told her what you think when you look at her. And people call me a pervert.

"You are a pervert." Edward and Bella are walking alongside me now as we head towards the car park. It's the first time he's spoken to me in a week, ever since that little incident where I sent his hormones into overdrive. Although I suspect that hasn't stopped him from reading my mind. I have the hardest time blocking my thoughts from him, I'm just too damn emotional.

"Why were you glaring at Mike Newton?" Bella is frowning at me as we climb into Edward's car. I wish he'd get something else, Volvo's are so dorky.

"Buy your own then," He snaps at me.

"I don't like to drive."

"Then quit your bitching. Or get out and walk."

"Edward..." I know I'm whining but I don't care. I'm in a self indulgent, pitying mood right now, courtesy of Mike Newton. Thanks a lot, asshole.

Edward smirks at me in the rearview mirror. "Methinks the vampire doth mope too much." Bella giggles. I pout and slump down in my seat. She reaches around and pokes me in the leg. I snap at her, playfully, but Edward still growls warningly at me. Soooo overprotective.

"You didn't answer my question. Mike Newton?"

"Oh, he's just being a whiny little brat. Always moping about with no consideration for other people and their feelings!"

Edward raises his eyebrow and glances at Bella, smirking. "I hate it when people do that, don't you?"

Giggle giggle.

"Oh stop the car, I'm walking. I hate you both!"

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I'm walking. In the rain. Not that it bothers me or that I have to, I could zip home in about 2 seconds, but I want to. I'm feeling rather down. Poor me. I know I look like crap too, what with being completely soaked and trudging along the road like some depressed human. Well, about as crap as it's possible for someone like me to look. But still...

I hope Carlisle drives past on his way home and sees me. I'll make him feel sorry for me and then Edward will get it. Not quite sure what IT is but Esme's always screaming that one day we're really gonna get IT so I'm sure it's not good. Probably some kind of adolescent vampire torture she got from Italy.

Oooh headlights!

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Meanwhile...back at The Cullen Household...

"Edward, where is my husband?" Alice walked down the stairs, a slight frown marring her perfect features as she honed in on Edward.

"No idea, " he mumbled, his face buried in Bella's hair as they snuggled together on the couch watching Romeo and Juliet for the zillionth time.

"See, now they can be together for eternity!" Bella has a wistful look in her eyes as the end credits rolled but Edward pulls her back to reality.

"Says who? Maybe someone came in with a doctor at the end and saved one of them."

"I don't think so..."

"Or maybe Romeo is burning somewhere in the fiery pits of hell while Juliet is in heaven?"

"That's awful! And not very romantic."

"Who said death is romantic?

"Mumble."

"Have you been speaking to those Goth. kids again?"

"You know, they actually think you're a vampire."

"They what?!"

"Hello! People! My husband is missing here!" Alice planted herself in front of the television and glared at Edward and Bella, hands on hips.

"Well he's not my husband," Edward grumbled.

"Yes, but he was supposed to be coming home with you! Did you have a fight over the car again? Honestly Edward it's really quite an ugly car..."

"Leave my car alone!"

"Well where is my husband?!"

"I don't know!"

"He got all cranky and jumped out on the way home," Bella explained hastily, seeing Alice was about to explode.

"That still doesn't explain where he is!"

"Big deal, he's a big vampire, I'm sure he'll be fine. At least now me and my hormones can have some peace." Alice smacked Edward up the back of the head.

"I had a vision, you twit."

"Of Jasper?"

"No, of Emmett taking a shower." Alice rolled her eyes while Edward shuddered.

"Well, what did you see?"

"I saw Jasper, and he was frightened. And in someone elses clothing."

"Someone elses clothing?" Edward was looking at her incredulously. "You broke up our romantic swooning time to tell us that Jasper's taken up some kind of clothes fetish?"

"Oh I give up!" Alice stomped back up the stairs snarling. When she got to the top she leaned over the bannister and screamed back, "Jasper's right, just shag her already!"

In the kitchen Esme snorted with laughter.

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I am sitting in Isabella Swan's living room watching television with her father while wearing his clothes. This is most mortifying.

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End file.
